My mind was going too fast in so many different ways. I wanted to stay calm and face what would happen to me. I wanted to be the girl I wanted to be and be strong…… But even if I tried to convince myself I was strong enough and brave enough, I wasn’t. I’m still this stupid little girl who knows nothing about hard life. I’m still that girl, the one that’s been spoiled by her parent. I freaked out when I imagined what he wanted to do to me. Even if I don’t want to admit it, what he did to me felt too good. I was disgusted with myself for loving that much what he did, I was not a virgin but never had a man made me come that hard…. But that? I can’t accept that. I’m not a woman who’s ready for that or would accept that…. At that moment, I really felt like a girl…. My panic was just getting more intense, but suddenly, his voice was stronger and angrier... When he kicked the bed frame I jumped. I stop moving and stop talking. Accept it or take drugs? It was really all the choice I had. I know he told me I was about to have a crappie life but…. All I could do was accept being raped with or without drugs? I was trying to think and calm myself, but it was hard to do here…

But why? Why me? I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m not in a weird world…. I just wanted to find my family…

The only thing I did was to dig to find my real family. I was kidnapped when I was a baby and now, I was again but this time, I wasn’t having fun…. I’m gorgeous so I’ll have a hard rest of my life and die horribly? How was it fair? I’m not a criminal or someone who was always in that type of life…. If being too close to find my family is what brings me here, I don’t even want to know them anymore so I just could go home and never look at them, but I know I can’t do that now. They don’t want to do that. Psalm moved to come closer to me, this time I didn’t move like I was just stuck there. His hands came on my face to open my mouth then he shoved a pill down my throat. He just told me to sleep then he got out of the room. I stayed there for as long as I can remember…. I couldn’t move. I felt tired and tried to fight it but at some point, there was nothing I could do. I looked at the bed, not knowing what to do, I didn’t want to sleep on the floor, but not in his bed. I take the blanket and wrap myself in it before getting on the floor, then everything gets dark…


I don’t know how much time I slept and when I opened my eyes, I felt still in a heavy fog…. It took me some time before I started moving… I sat, then got up. I looked around myself and found the place empty. I was alone in here…. He didn’t touch me? I move to the door and try to open it to find it locked… Of course.

Psalm? Are you there?

My voice was harsh like I’d just awoken from a week-long of sleep. I don’t know if he’s here or not. Usually, I try to stay alert of his movement from downstair but this time, I couldn’t… I just wait there… Waiting to know if he’s here or if I’m alone.

Could I have some water?

Maybe he’ll let me lock it here, I don’t know if I prefer downstairs or in his bedroom. It almost felt cooler here.

“Psalm, are you there?” Her voice echoed through the door. I was wide awake. Not sure I even slept the whole night. The thought of some colleagues taking her away in a matter of hours.. it filled my guts with uneasiness. I repeated myself she was just another one - but I knew I would not forget her. How could I? It would be fair to admit I forced her into things I would have to confess if I ever touch holy ground again. Forget me father, cause I never came that hard and I kinda don’t regret it. I sure regret the girl is in piece in the other room, but god, I would die fulfilled if I died this very night thank to her. “Could I have some water?” I rised, slowly. The wood cracking under my feet announcing I was making my way toward the door. My door. I sighed before reaching the wooden entrave, which I used to lean on.

-Can’t. It’s safer while you’re in there.

The idea of a little more for the road kept tempting me. I usually had a lot of self control, but I’m usually not in this kind of shitshow - a shitshow I created on my own. I looked up, reading the time on the old clock in the hallway.

-The guys in charge of your transfert are on their way. You’ll be free from here in hours.. Should be about 5 to 6 hours left.

He doesn’t respond to me when I name him. I guess he’s not there…. I don’t know what’s happening or what will happen to me now. He left me here when I was thinking he would use me like he said to me he would do, he didn’t touch me. I was still in my clothes and wrapped in the blanket I fell asleep. I ask another question just to try again, to make sure if he’s here or not…But then, I hear the floor cracking … He’s here. I thought he would open the door, but he didn’t.

Safer? Why?

I stay close to the door, waiting…. So, he doesn’t want to give me water? Safer here? Since when? I’m stuck with him for… I don’t know how much time I don’t know what has changed now…But then, he told me. I’m being transferred in a matter of hours now.

What?? So…. I’m being sold or…killed?

I lean on the door…. So…It was my time. Fuck, I don’t want to be sold and raped by a lot of me…

Please Psalm…Just a glass of water… after those hours left, I’ll be in worse than hell…I won’t do anything or try anything…

I was silently listening to the voice behind the door, once agitated from the news, then begging for water. She woud be gone so soon and I hate to lie, so I tell her straight.

-It’s hard as hell keeping my hands off y’a, sugar. I was hoping I could offer you some rest before you go.

I thought about it a mere minute. Maybe she would be fine. If she was indeed a De Haas, she could be sold for a high price, but it was unlikely. Both clans were hard to keep from fighting. Knowing they would have a De Haas in the flesh in their hand, who know what the boss would do? The curiosity never killed the cat when it come to my work, but the small package in the car came to my mind.

-Wanna know your chances to live? Your tests arrived.

Her chance to live, or who her parents are - or are not. I think bio parents are not much in life, but it could her her in this life-or-death balance.

I was waiting for him to open the door, but he didn’t seem to want to. I stay close and try to talk to him… I just wanted some water, and I didn’t understand why I was safer here alone…. When he said why, it took me some time before speaking….

Hum… I could just stay away just for you to put a glass of water next to the door. Or…an exchange?

Was I offering him that? My mind was sick today… If I’m to be sold and offers to so many men who will not care for me, just used me, fuck me and hurt me… At least, I know I kind of like how he can make me feel when he touches me…I shake my head… I can’t think like that. He said my tests arrived and I stopped breathing for a second…

Yes. I wanna know my chances… Please...

I want to know what to expect. Maybe I could prepare myself in the next few hours I have left.

It was a common idea to give her a glass, then close the door. But her mentioning an exchange had my heartbeat rising. I bite my tongue. I can’t understand the girl. It’s hard to tell what’s a yes and what is not… but then again, she probably don’t know what the word “choice” means anymore. I felt a mix of unrest and relief when she was lured away from the whole opening-the-door saga. That, she was sure of it. Yes, she wanted to know. It was sweet to heard her say yes.. a real yes. Choice was not that far away when sex was not involved. I went outdoor, collecting the package from the car. The box was brownish, but well packed. It was from a great lab fpr sure. I had received things from actual labs in the past that could have been from the blackmarket from the look of it. This one was he real shit. The boss let nothing to chance. I came back inside, my feet heavy. I lift the box, as if she would see me through the door.

-Got it.

I opened it carefully, the cardboard making sounds across the silent kitchen. The test was not mine to see, but I could always say I opened it by mistake. They would not make a fuss for it. The result matters, the sheet on which it was written did not. I read slowly, trying to make sense of what was in front of me. So many results for nothing. Then, there it was. DNA compatibility. I sighed, not knowing if it was good news of not.

-Ready?

I paused, waiting for her answer. It was out of the blue, but I needed to ask.

-What’s your name, sugar?

I don’t know why I offered him an exchange…. I was trying to buy myself a glass of water…. I’m so lost. I don’t know why, but right now I feel like he is calmer and really trying to avoid touching me, and it is now that I seem to need to see him. Not that I need him, I just don’t want to be really alone right now. I wait for him to answer but I just hear him walk away… I sigh and just go back into the room. I decide to sit on his bed… I was tired to be up but didn’t want to sit on the ground, so it was my best option. I waited here, I guess he was tired of speaking to me…But finally, I heard him walk again and he came behind the door again. Got i… Got what? I stay silent, waiting for him to open the door, but he doesn’t.

Yes, I’m ready.

I was waiting, but it was harder to wait since I didn’t see his face, I couldn’t try to read him.

Hum… Bethany.

I don’t really understand why he wants to know that. I’m about to leave here and maybe die or worse, so it won’t change anything for him to know my name now.

So….Will I die fast or not?


I couldn’t wait… I know it won’t change anything, but it will give me more time to prepare myself.

Bethany. Uncommon. It had a nice ring to it. I almost regretted asking for her name. Putting a name on her face gave her more meaning than she already have, but it was not every day you learn from whose nuts you are from. I would’nt waste it for her, even if it was only a name. She never even layed eye on the man.

-I shall announce you are now Bethany De Haas. You may live, but your life would cost a shit ton of money.. so, it’s hard to tell.

I bite my tongue, again. She would belong to the other clan, but it was the best she could have hoped for. I now was sure I would not open the door. There was no way I would lay a finger on her from now on - it would be risky. What I did before I knew was a thing, thing I could get killed for if the De Haas wanted her back and would put a bounty on me. There was chance they would ask for the brunette back - and pay for her - low chances, but still. Somewhat, I liked it. It was a far greater prospect than knowing my clan would sell the girl to one of us. If the De Haas clan could knew before she was too far gone…

-Don’t get your hopes up yet. The hardest part would be to get to them, and still. Open the drawer at the bottom, would you doll?

There was a small butterfly knife there to cut ropes I use for bonding and shibari.

-Put the knife in between your legs. Maybe you can escape being raped during the transfert, maybe not.

I was waiting… I wanted to know, just to prepare myself. It won’t change anything, and I know it. My life will now be so much harder than before. I need to find a way to be the strong woman I need to be. I don’t know what will happen to me, but in all the cases, I know I won’t ever be the same. Psalm speaks again, announcing to me I was a De Haas…

De Haas? I don’t even know who they are…. A ton of Money? I don’t think I'm worth it.

I was a spoiled little girl; I don’t belong in this world! They would be so ashamed of paying so much money for me. I don’t really know how to do things…. Of course, If I get out of here alive, I have a plan to take a self-defence class, and I want to learn how to do things. I don’t want to stay the way I am, but I don’t think I will be free ever again. If I’m a De Haas like he said, if someone pays this much money just to have me back, they won’t let me be free. I will just have a new prison that’s all.

I don’t get my hopes up. If they really want to spend so much money, I won’t be freer than here….. Yeah, I’ll do it.

I got up on my feet and followed his direction, opening the drawer at the bottom. I pick up the small knife in my hands.

I have it. Thank you…

I don’t know why now he is helping me, but I take it. Maybe I’ll be able to protect myself a little… At least, I have a way to really try to…

She won’t be freer, but she could live. That was not bas as a prospect, since she was sure to be sold and used as a sex slave or as an organ garden. There was still a chance she would go down this path, but I thought it would be the least to give some guy a call once she’s gone. They could get to the right person. I tried to reassure her as much as I could, knowing it was useless. I was not the one who could decide her fate. If I was, I know I would fuck her up so bad.

-Listen. Nobody’s free. You thought you were free your whole life, but soon enough you got here. The De Haas clan is no better than this one, but better be chained at the top than at the bottom. The view is prettier.

The guys would be here soon enough. As for me, it would be better to let her as she is and give myself some space. I was getting too much. I would better find some other cunt to obsess over from now on, the sooner the better. Too bad she wouldn’t get water: I would not open the door. I sighed. I should stop entertaining her.

-I’ll come and get you when they’ll be here. I’ll go and tend to the animals until then. Try to rest, you got a roadtrip coming up.

***

When the guys arrived, the loud engine of the old 4runner announced them, giving me time to get to the cabin. We chatted a little. I hated them more than ever and I knew why. I lied, telling them I had order not to touch her, since the DNA test came back cloudy and they had other test to do. Telling them she was a De Haas would put her in a hard position where guys could decide to hurt her to get back at them. Telling her she was not would let them think they could do…as I did. Being in the grey area was the best for the time remaining. Of course, the boss knew. I called them. If everything went right, the information was getting up to the De Haas empire too. I said nothing as I chained her wrist together in front of her  to get her to the back of the 4runner. I gave her à water bottle and disappeared in the house, making sure to to see her off.