Seeing him coming back makes me angrier…. I wish I could die here and stop seeing his face but of course, this kind of person doesn’t seem to die easily…. I’m still stuck with this monster, and I know he won’t stop using me like I’m a doll to him. I don’t want to make it easy on him, I want to fight but right now, I’m exhausted from all I did to try to escape. I wanted to get out so much, I’m surprised I didn’t hurt myself in all my attempts. But I’m too weak, still here and chained and free for him to do all he wants again. He got closer to me and …. Good girl? What the fuck? What does he want me to do, I’m stuck here! I’m chained so I can’t even really move…

It's not like I had a choice.

I know he didn’t like it when I spoke back, but right now I don’t care. If he put the gun on me again this time I won’t shut up. Even if I’m tired as fuck, I don’t want to be scared, not after what he did to me. He stayed silent and unlocked me but before I could let me fall to the ground, he lifted me in his arm…. I got silence too, just by the surprise…. Why is he doing that…He let me go once we were in the bathroom, in the bathtub. He starts to pour water into it…. He chained me again but at least I was sitting this time… He left the bathroom, and I was relieved, but unfortunately, he came back. I stay silent, just watching him. He removes the restraints again and even if I don’t say anything, I’m grateful for that. He spoke again to say he’d touch me, but before I could say anything he started to massage my head with shampoo… He kept moving, rinsing my hair then putting some conditioner… I didn’t want to enjoy it, but it was relaxing after the day I had. He kept silent and I do too. He started shaving my legs, I watched him, not trusting him with this but he did a good job. At least, I was feeling a little bit more like me at this moment. Clean and shaved. He put more hot water in, and I just try to enjoy and relax, hoping it will help my body a little. After a moment, he orders me to get up. I was about to give him so attitude, but he talked about my reward… Clothes! I stood up in silence again and he threw me a towel, I took it and wrapped it around me. I followed him to the kitchen, and he showed me some bags. When he said he couldn't let me hang this long, I just looked at him for a second before going closer to the bag. I pick up the first pair of panties, jeans and a top and put it on me faster than I can… I felt better now, dressed... I know it won’t keep him away from me if he decides to do what he wants again but at least, I was more comfortable for the moment. He fed me some leftovers, but I’d eat anything right now…. Almost everything. Later, he walks me to the basement, and I can’t wait right now to be alone. When I hear his voice again, I turn to look at him with disgust in my face.

Just leave me alone! Let me starve to death I don’t care but stop using me! At this point, I just can’t wait for the answer to my death or the other thing, I am not a thing you can use to satisfy whatever Is wrong with you!

My voice was calmer than I thought possible, but I couldn’t take it. I need to do something. I need to find a way to get out of here or push him to the point where he’ll kill me. I don’t know but I need to get away from him one way or another… Does he really think I’m down to whatever he wants to do to me tomorrow? I just got away from him, hoping he’d just leave and let me be alone. I need to find a way. I can’t stay here.

I can’t stand him, he’s a freak and likes it…. If only I could kill him right now, I think I would do it. I’m not the type of girl who can kill but with him on my face, I totally could.

The little you took from me?? You keep going crazier! You took everything from me!

Blame him… oh yeah, I blame him! But if he thinks I want him right now, he’s so wrong! I don’t want him to be this close to me, I want him to get the hell out so I can. Breathe without him.

Yeah, it was don’t leave me freaking naked outside! Don’t think I want you. All I want for you now is to leave me alone here. I don’t forget how to hate you; I always hate you.

When he left, I tried to breathe again but honestly what he said kept running in my mind…. What’s going to happen tomorrow? Does he think I want to have another moment with him?? God, I hate him so much! I just got in bed and tried to sleep a little…. But it was hard, my mind was just too afraid of what would happen tomorrow.


When I open my eyes again, I just stay there, can’t move afraid of what would happen today. I don’t want to see him again. I want to wake up again and just be far away from here, that this is just a big nightmare. How can I be in that kind of thing…. How can I be here, stuck with this freak? I don’t know how much time I stay here, I just lost track. All I know is at some point in the day he came down here again. I was still fully clothed, and I didn’t have any intention of getting out of them.

Like I have any intention of getting out of those….

He came closer and at some point, I didn’t have a choice of moving. I wanted to get away, but I couldn’t… He doesn’t say anything anymore and just leads me upstairs. He opens a door and pushes me inside. I look around me… Crap…Where am i…. He pushes me more into the room and I almost fall, in shock right now. He closed the door and I heard the locked…..

You’re a monster…..Why don’t you take any other girls here, one that…want that….

I turn to face him, I’m pretty sure panic shows in my face. I’m not in that kind of thing…I don’t want to be part of that… I want to get out. He offers me pills? I back up a little from him.

I want to get out of here! I don’t want you to touch me, I don’t want you fucking drug me for getting what you want!

I just got away from him as much as I can…. I’m panicking, more than before…I feel like my air can’t go to my lungs….

Get away from me…. Why are you doing this to me….

My voice sounded so weak, I’m not sure he could hear what I said. I put a hand on my chest, trying to keep calm…

I should have let her wait for her transfer in the basement. I should have. Because at this very moment, I understood I messed up far more than I envisaged. It was becoming clear she grew much more under my skin than I, was wicked. I wanted her to take the pills, for her to sleep until tomorrow. I would not have had touched her. This would have helped me overcome my thirst for her for the last day or so - of course I fantasized about her choosing to spend the night wide awake, but I wasn’t counting on it. I though she was broken enough to take those and be gone, making it to dreamland before knowing what hell really is about. She’s not. And that is problematic, knowing tomorrow will put her on a journey toward the “next step”. Which would it be? I would almost wish for her to be sold for her organs, because she’s at her limit and I almost did not touch her. But her gorgeous body told me otherwise -there was no way she was not put onto auction or sold privately to a higher bidder. How would she bear what is to come is she’s already crumbling on the floor. I wished I could touch her and help her breath through her imminent panic attack, but I knew it was not meant to be. She was to be send to the slaughterhouse. And it makes my blood boil. I almost growled as I commanded her - out of rage.

-Stop whining. Breath. Shout. Kick. Do something to help yourself, in the fucking name of God.

I kicked the bed frame so hard, a loud “crack” was heard.

-Snap out of it. You’ve got two way to survive what is coming - or you passively agree to anything and take any drug given to you to bake yourself away, or you find a will to live overcoming this stupid fear of yours.

I glanced at her, I was so annoyed. She was able to do the same boring things for hours. She proved so washing the spoons. She was able to put her hands onto dirty stuff and work under pressure, like she did with the rabbits - and more so she did not pass out from the least amount of torture letting her hanging in the sun  was yesterday. She COULD survive. But her character was not fit to be more than a prey into the inner world, and this was a fucking shame. God, she was almost it.. all that thrilling talk-back. She could.. But there she was, shaking as the rabbit she fed.

-Girl, I am no good. But neither are those you’ll be fucking in a day or so. Find some guts and hold on tight, because you won’t die yet. I wish you would, but you will not. You’re so damn gorgeous, they’ll fuck you dead.

It was so not my problem. When did the brunette became my damn problem? I wanted out. Her remainings days on earth should not even graze my peace of mind. I’ve got too much blood on my hands to even dare caring. I crossed the small distance she tried to create between us, opening the pills bottle. My left fingers grabbed both her cheeks to open her mouth as I sticked the white pill to my thumbs and shoving them onto the back of her throat. I let my thumbs trace her tongue from the back to the tips before tossing her face away.

-Sleep, sugar.

Then I muttered to myself :

-Let’s pray they kill you.

I got out, locking again behind me. I came back an hour later, making sure she did not make it harder than she had it and slept on the floor. As it was my own bed, there was a high stake she would do so. The pill would make the sleep better, and the pill would also reduce her stress for at least 12 hours sharps. Almost enough time. I made my call. They were arriving from Sydney, 17 hours away. So little time. On that note, I made my way to the couch